A question I often get when meeting with new clients is “where do I start”? Especially if one is coming to therapy for the first time, the aspect of setting realistic and helpful goals in therapy can feel daunting. Many people feel an urgency to “fix” or “get rid of” a problem, such as an emotion or behaviour. This sense of urgency can be motivating and it can also be interfering in terms of becoming easily disengaged or disenchanted from the therapy process if the fix does not come quick.
As therapists, our role is to help guide the process of setting helpful but also realistic goals with our clients. Everyone has blinders; areas in which they are unaware or do not realize may need to change. Through the first session of therapy, a road map is built. When learning about a client’s history and current challenges, the therapist can build an understanding of the history of a problem, how that problem or habit formed, and what tools/therapeutic strategies can be employed.
Therapy Goals Are Not Performance Targets
One common misconception is that therapy goals should look like measurable achievements: stop feeling anxious, be confident all the time, never get angry again. While understandable, goals like these can unintentionally create shame when emotions inevitably resurface.
Healthy therapy goals focus less on eliminating feelings and more on changing your relationship with them. Emotions, even difficult ones, serve a purpose. Therapy helps you understand, regulate, and respond to them in ways that align with your values. Instead of:
“I want to stop feeling anxious”
A healthier goal might be:
“I want to understand my anxiety and develop tools to cope when it shows up” or “I want more control over how anxiety impacts me”.
Good Therapy Goals Are Collaborative
Therapy goals are not something you’re expected to arrive with fully formed. They are developed together with your therapist and often evolve over time, as mentioned earlier with the road map. Early goals may be broad or exploratory, especially if you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure where to begin.
Your therapist may help you clarify:
- What feels most distressing right now
- What patterns keep repeating in your life
- What you want more of—not just less of
- What feels achievable at this stage of your life
It’s also okay for goals to change as new insights emerge. Shifting goals isn’t a failure—it’s a sign that therapy is working. The first step is to enter into the therapy space with an open mindset and vulnerability in sharing with another person. If you’re considering therapy or already in it, remember: progress doesn’t always look dramatic. Sometimes it looks like noticing your feelings sooner, responding more gently to yourself, or choosing differently than you did before. Those moments matter.