If you have walked into any general store recently, it is apparent that we are in the season of commercial love. Whether or not you buy into the roses and chocolates, love and connection are a critical part of being human.
We know through research that we require connection to thrive, however, in today’s increasingly busy and online world, this is something that many people are lacking. Historically people lived in tight knit communities, but these days, many folks don’t even know their own neighbours. In a world of polarizing beliefs, rising work, and parenting demands, the results can be isolating.
What is connection?
In my graduate degree I wrote a paper defining my foundation as a therapist. A portion of the paper focused on connection. My view is that connection is a critical aspect of healing and of self-actualization. With the influence and inspiration of the Medicine Wheel, I landed at what I believe are the fundamentals for connection: connection to self, others, the earth, and those who have come before us.
Connection to Self:
Connection to self includes understanding who I am and how I am in connection to others, the earth, and those who have come before me. I work with many folks to explore their internal world through a variety of therapeutic modalities. I also at times work with folks who are looking to connect to themselves, often with the question, “Who am I?” The answer is one that shifts and changes as we grow and age.
Some ways to explore Self:
- Values: Values are basically what matters to you. I often use a resource when working with clients to help start the conversation regarding one’s values. You can find the link to a “Values Determination” here.
- Mindfulness Practice: Mindfulness allows us to be present in the moment and helps bring awareness to ourselves in the moment, while also improving connection to others. You can explore Mindfulness here.
- Medicine Wheel: The Medicine Wheel is used by Indigenous communities and represents Indigenous worldviews. I use the wheel to reflect and to set goals in each State of Being on the wheel. You can view the wheel and watch a video on how to use it here. The brief video provides an excellent guide to using the Medicine Wheel to connect to yourself.
Connection to Others:
Connection to others is not necessarily about proximity, it’s about relationships. Research indicates the importance of physical touch, but more than anything, those who live long, happy and healthy lives report having quality relationships and community. These can be found in friends, family and partners.
Maintaining our connections requires intentional fostering and at times, hard work. Playing together, having difficult conversations, setting healthy boundaries, taking accountability and repairing – these are some of the necessary requirements for lasting close relationships. Those who have worked with me to remain in more challenging relationships with loved ones know that in certain circumstances we can find meaningful connections even when the capacity of those connections is limited.
Those who are a part of a community, or a family system, may not feel genuine connection. This may be because they have barriers up (which can be discussed in counselling!), or perhaps the system is oppressive, or one in which they feel they don’t truly belong. It may also be that they have not yet found their people.
Here are some ways to find community:
- Volunteering: Volunteering has so many researched benefits, and one of them is community! I have volunteered for almost all of my life, and presently volunteer for 1-3 hours per week. I recommend choosing a volunteer position that aligns with your interests and values. There are many options out there!
- Interest groups: There are many apps and sites that are dedicated to helping likeminded people find one another. meetup.com has a wide range of activities. Alternatively, you might attend a cooking or painting class, for example.
- Religious spaces: Religion can offer community through a variety of opportunities to get involved and to
- Community Activities: Most communities have events that they host locally, and some are open to anyone. www.allevents.com curates a list of events in the city, and www.calgaryschild.com shows weekly family friendly options. There are other sites as well available. The catch here is that if the point is to connect, you do have to make an effort to chat to people while you are enjoying the activities. 😉
- Dinner with Strangers: This is not as weird as it sounds! Timeleft is an app that matches you with likeminded folks (platonically), who you then meet for dinner with. It’s a blind dinner party.
- Reading: Whether we read fiction or non-fiction, books offer incredible opportunities for connection. They can help us understand other perspectives and ways of life, develop empathy, self reflection and understanding. They spark curiosity and wonder, two things essential for connection. While reading itself as an activity may not directly connect you to others, you can become connected to folks via book clubs or online communities of readers.
Connection to the Earth:
Get outside and into nature in whatever way works for you. Bring along your mindfulness practice and notice what your senses are telling you; Notice yourself in nature. Do something caring and responsible for the environment: clean up a greenspace by your home, collect unused water in your daily life to water your house and outdoor plants, write letters to your MLA regarding environmental policies, etc.
Following the Medicine Wheel, connection to earth also encompasses spiritual well-being. This can be achieved through prayer, being in nature, meditation, smudging or other rituals. The connection can be to a Creator (potentially a god), the universe, Mother Earth, or other spirits.
Connection to Those Who Have Come Before Us:
When I think about the connection to those who have come before us, I think about epigenetics and intergenerational factors, wisdom and knowledge. In simple terms, these are the things that have been passed down to us, and the wisdom available to us. I come from a long line of incredibly strong and independent women. Part of my own connection is acknowledging the strength that flows through me, which I know comes from them. For some folks, this is not a positive thing, particularly when we think about intergenerational trauma. Acknowledging the connection and its impact becomes part of the healing journey. This is where therapeutic work comes in to help us understand and work with all the parts that make up who we are.
Accessing books, oral stories and research, and having a growth mindset are a part of this area of connection. Lifelong learning allows for us to constantly reflect and take up who and how we are in the world.
My hope for you all as you reflect on this is a deep and meaningful connection in your lives. As always, we here at Gabrielle Hone & Associates are here to support you to do so.
– Gabrielle Hone, R. Psych